Fanfics read:
Battle Monkeys (by CarlosRegerado)
Saltwater (by Komsomol)

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Shawn, Mana, Kyle

Steel yourselves, because we’re back in the vaults and reading more smut from the now-dreaded Kristen’s Collection. First, we have “Saltwater” by Komsomol, which was submitted to us as “like Dolphin Sex, but with Sharks.” We enter some real dream-shaping, shark-humping absurdity where things that aren’t real are apparently real anyway… and learn that claspers are pretty scary stuff.

After that, we read “Battle Monkeys” by CarlosRegerado, which is apparently based on a mobile game. If that game is anything like this story then you’ll be glad you haven’t played it. It features forced cuckolding for primeapes and then a twist ending that made us all feel bad about the human race existing at all.

Fanfics read:
Tapioca (by Xalts)
The Sequel (by Xalts)
Tapioca 3 The Return (by Xalts)
A Furnished Denmark (by Mizukotsu)
Artemis’s lover (by Oscar)

Readers: Stevo, David, Shawn, Val, Cyril, Sollux

Oh. Oh dear. Oh, what has happened here? We read five stories and drudge through the dairy goodness that is Xalts’ Tapioca trilogy; a threesome of stories based on Salamanders in the Homestuck universe. It is very gross and not anatomically or biologically accurate in any way. There’s “Tapioca“, “The Sequel“, and who could forget the riveting finale, “Tapioca 3 The Return“. Delightful.

Following that, we read some fic based off what is itself fanfiction of World War II: Hetalia Axis Powers, with Mizukotsu’s “A Furnished Denmark“. It’s a lovely tale where someone has sex with a couch… and the couch is a person. Then, of course, we close with a story about a boy having sex with a hermaphrodite cat in “Artemis’ Lover” by Oscar. Prepare yourselves for a heaping pile of NOPE.

Fanfics read:
Back to the Frollo (By FrolloFreak)

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Gorejuice, Sara4thewin

Indulge in a classic Hunchback of Notre-Dame fanfic. Or try to, anyway. “Back to the Frollo” by the aptly-named Frollofreak shuts us down for two reasons. One: it’s ultra racist. Two: it’s boring. REAAAAAAAAAAAAL boring. It does not become enjoyable. Ever.

Lucky us, we’re entertaining folks and we have two amazing fan readers suffering with us through the time-traveling Toyota and numerous flashbacks that do nothing to establish plot or character. Based on this, we’re never going to visit Indiana.

Fanfics read:
Heidi: The Tool-Time Girl (by alurker8192)

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Tehmsu, Moguta

Join us for a festive romp through the 90’s – when Tim Allen was both a family sitcom icon and symbol for what happens when you do too many drugs. Find out what happens when Brad (Zachery Ty Bryan), Randy (JTT) and Mark (Taran Noah Smith) drug the babysitter and do awful things to her in “Heidi – The Tool-Time Girl” by alurker8192. Yes, it’s a Home Improvementfic, and the story is about as old as the show itself. Ready for the plot twist? It turns out Heidi wasn’t actually drugged and really wanted the tools of the Taylor kids all along! Pretty sure they cancelled the show after ABC became aware of this story’s existence. It wouldn’t surprise us at all.

Fanfics read:
Avenging Tony’s Lost Manhood (Avenging It With Sex) (by therealfroggy)

Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Ice Abyzz

Prepare to be enthralled by the sex-swapping, gender-bending wonderment of the Avengers slashfic, “Avenging Tony’s Lost Manhood” by therealfroggy. Logan gets broken, David gets bored, Stevo gets angry, and Val sounds Canadian. Oh, and one of our guest readers Shawn sounds Canadian too, but differently Canadian. But yeah, long story short: Tony Stark turns into a girl and can’t stop fondling himself or initiating an orgy with the other Avengers. Remember: this is probably not how female anatomy works.

Happy banging!